Thank you so much for this article! I am struggling with forgiveness for childhood sexual abuse. I keep hearing that I won't heal until I forgive my abuser, and I've struggled with what that forgiveness might look like. This article has given me a good look at the process I need to undertake for my own healing. I did not realize I don't have to let the abuser know about my forgiveness; it's for me! I will definitely be taking this to my next therapy appointment! Thanks again.
i'm glad that this was helpful. You don't owe your abuser anything. Prioritize your healing. That in itself can be a lifelong task. If you reach the point of forgiveness, that's a bonus.
I now look at my faith as “Franciscan” if I have to unpack it for an evangelical-type; however, many days I still hold a lot of anger towards “institutional church” and what I was taught to “submit to” as “biblical truth” that I now know is not “truth”... Might you unpack some forgiveness strategy/mindset shifts towards institutions? This anger can facilitate “disruptor movement” or good trouble. Yet, it can also be pretty debilitating as “monkey brain chatter”.. Thanks for your wise input, friend!
Reconciliation can look different to different people. I always say that forgiveness does not require that you allow that person back into your circle. You don’t have to become friends or be around them again. But what does forgiveness really look like in the eyes of the offender?
I know forgiveness is personal to the one offended but how does the offender know that they have been forgiven if there is no degree of reconciliation? We know that Christ has forgiven us for our sins because Christ shows us forgiveness over and over again. Shouldn’t there be a degree of reconciliation?
Great questions! I’ll get into these in the next few weeks. But here’s the short answer: forgiveness is part of the path to reconciliation, but reconciliation requires much more than that. And reconciliation isn’t always possible or desirable.
Thank you so much for this article! I am struggling with forgiveness for childhood sexual abuse. I keep hearing that I won't heal until I forgive my abuser, and I've struggled with what that forgiveness might look like. This article has given me a good look at the process I need to undertake for my own healing. I did not realize I don't have to let the abuser know about my forgiveness; it's for me! I will definitely be taking this to my next therapy appointment! Thanks again.
i'm glad that this was helpful. You don't owe your abuser anything. Prioritize your healing. That in itself can be a lifelong task. If you reach the point of forgiveness, that's a bonus.
I now look at my faith as “Franciscan” if I have to unpack it for an evangelical-type; however, many days I still hold a lot of anger towards “institutional church” and what I was taught to “submit to” as “biblical truth” that I now know is not “truth”... Might you unpack some forgiveness strategy/mindset shifts towards institutions? This anger can facilitate “disruptor movement” or good trouble. Yet, it can also be pretty debilitating as “monkey brain chatter”.. Thanks for your wise input, friend!
Reconciliation can look different to different people. I always say that forgiveness does not require that you allow that person back into your circle. You don’t have to become friends or be around them again. But what does forgiveness really look like in the eyes of the offender?
I know forgiveness is personal to the one offended but how does the offender know that they have been forgiven if there is no degree of reconciliation? We know that Christ has forgiven us for our sins because Christ shows us forgiveness over and over again. Shouldn’t there be a degree of reconciliation?
Great questions! I’ll get into these in the next few weeks. But here’s the short answer: forgiveness is part of the path to reconciliation, but reconciliation requires much more than that. And reconciliation isn’t always possible or desirable.
Ah! I love this! God has been leading me towards an exploration of forgiveness for a possible future study. Thank you for this experience.