I really enjoy the loving kindness meditation from Dr. Chanequa. It is always surprising and meaningful when I get to the part where I have to hold someone before me who I have negative feelings about. At the last moment of holding the world in mind, my soul agreed with a deep “amen.”
I felt a lot of resistance to the practice - Dr. Chanequa’s meditation was beautiful and helpful and I felt my heart center become more open as I did it. But I realized part of the resistance came from struggling with meditation in general. I often feel frustrated because my mind wanders and I don’t like doing it because it is time that feels unproductive. It makes me realize how much the productivity-driven abusive capitalistic mindset has influenced how I think about time. I want my mind to be healthy as it is a gift God has given, so it is worth taking the time to do the things it needs. And it’s ok that I struggle with it - it is a practice! I think the other part of the resistance came from feeling a lot of anger towards a specific group of people as I was trying to do the practice - I have been struggling with this for a few years now and mostly tamping it down. But it keeps coming up recently so I think it is time for me to deal with it.
Katie, you’ve made a wise observation about how frustration with mind wandering during meditation has its roots in fears of being unproductive … and how capitalism impacts these thoughts. I especially love your wording about the influence of a “productivity-driven abusive capitalistic mindset” on your perception of time. The word abusive is spot-on.
Your comic feels like a picture of inside my head too! I had a teacher once give me the image of a deep clear lake and all the thoughts zinging around my head being rocks settling down to the bottom of the lake. It helps some but it’s so easy for my mind to wander. I love the parts of Dr. Chanequa’s meditations where she acknowledges this and reminds me it’s ok and to just return to the breath when it happens. I feel seen and comforted during those sections!
Oh, and echoing Colleen - “productivity-driven abusive capitalistic mindset” influencing how I think about time — whew!! I need to sit with that for a while!!
I’ve used Dr. Chanequa’s Lovingkindness podcast episode in the past on several occasions. And I absolutely love this meditation! When saying “may you be healthy” to myself, I realized that part of loving kindness is learning to better understand my body.
What also arose is that I felt neutral about someone whom I usually care deeply about. However, lately, this really has not been reciprocal where I have given substantially more than I’ve received. Despite my ambivalence about this person, I still do want good things for them. I can also trust God use Divine loving kindness to do those good things - I do not need to wear myself out trying to do unreciprocated good things for this person.
" I can also trust God use Divine loving kindness to do those good things - I do not need to wear myself out trying to do unreciprocated good things for this person." That's so insightful, Colleen. Thank you for articulating it!
This was the first time I’ve done a loving-kindness meditation. I selected the one by Dr. C. and found it very powerful. Focusing on myself, others, and the world feels right to me. Too often I do one or the other- focus on others or only focus on myself. I want to do this mediation again and explore others. I found myself responding emotionally to both the focus on my son, for someone I love dearly, and a friend/colleague who I find very difficult.
I really enjoy the loving kindness meditation from Dr. Chanequa. It is always surprising and meaningful when I get to the part where I have to hold someone before me who I have negative feelings about. At the last moment of holding the world in mind, my soul agreed with a deep “amen.”
I felt a lot of resistance to the practice - Dr. Chanequa’s meditation was beautiful and helpful and I felt my heart center become more open as I did it. But I realized part of the resistance came from struggling with meditation in general. I often feel frustrated because my mind wanders and I don’t like doing it because it is time that feels unproductive. It makes me realize how much the productivity-driven abusive capitalistic mindset has influenced how I think about time. I want my mind to be healthy as it is a gift God has given, so it is worth taking the time to do the things it needs. And it’s ok that I struggle with it - it is a practice! I think the other part of the resistance came from feeling a lot of anger towards a specific group of people as I was trying to do the practice - I have been struggling with this for a few years now and mostly tamping it down. But it keeps coming up recently so I think it is time for me to deal with it.
Katie, you’ve made a wise observation about how frustration with mind wandering during meditation has its roots in fears of being unproductive … and how capitalism impacts these thoughts. I especially love your wording about the influence of a “productivity-driven abusive capitalistic mindset” on your perception of time. The word abusive is spot-on.
I drew a comic about struggling with meditation - I feel your frustration so deeply 😅 https://www.instagram.com/p/ChmlcAqLjX_/?igsh=NzBmMjdhZWRiYQ==
Your comic feels like a picture of inside my head too! I had a teacher once give me the image of a deep clear lake and all the thoughts zinging around my head being rocks settling down to the bottom of the lake. It helps some but it’s so easy for my mind to wander. I love the parts of Dr. Chanequa’s meditations where she acknowledges this and reminds me it’s ok and to just return to the breath when it happens. I feel seen and comforted during those sections!
Oh, and echoing Colleen - “productivity-driven abusive capitalistic mindset” influencing how I think about time — whew!! I need to sit with that for a while!!
I’ve used Dr. Chanequa’s Lovingkindness podcast episode in the past on several occasions. And I absolutely love this meditation! When saying “may you be healthy” to myself, I realized that part of loving kindness is learning to better understand my body.
What also arose is that I felt neutral about someone whom I usually care deeply about. However, lately, this really has not been reciprocal where I have given substantially more than I’ve received. Despite my ambivalence about this person, I still do want good things for them. I can also trust God use Divine loving kindness to do those good things - I do not need to wear myself out trying to do unreciprocated good things for this person.
" I can also trust God use Divine loving kindness to do those good things - I do not need to wear myself out trying to do unreciprocated good things for this person." That's so insightful, Colleen. Thank you for articulating it!
This was the first time I’ve done a loving-kindness meditation. I selected the one by Dr. C. and found it very powerful. Focusing on myself, others, and the world feels right to me. Too often I do one or the other- focus on others or only focus on myself. I want to do this mediation again and explore others. I found myself responding emotionally to both the focus on my son, for someone I love dearly, and a friend/colleague who I find very difficult.