I am also dumping this:”the good Christian girl mentality that entices me to say yes to sitting at other people’s tables when I’d rather be lounging at my own;”
Me too. The challenge is that it requires saying no to people I admire and care about who are inviting me to tables that are nice. They’re still not my tables, though.
Wow! Thank you!! I’m 9 months into doctors trying to find a diagnosis and this hit hard. I don’t think I had asked myself if I wanted to be well. Because, in my brain, to be well would be to go back to the craziness of what life was before, so similar to what you described—when I was addicted to overachieving, when everyone needed me, when pieces were always being taken from me. This season of illness has felt like the first rest I’ve gotten in decades because it’s finally been a “good excuse” to say no…but still I battle mentally. Thank you for the words to help me understand the weight of being well…and possibly a new way of being in the world where I can prioritize my wellness.
Same here. If I were well in the way that I’ve hoped for, I’d be unwell in other ways. My body and all its diagnoses are trying to teach me something about wellness if I can just listen.
My my, what a transformative writing! Thank you, Dr. Walker- Barnes!
Lord, please help me to dump my over concern of folks’ perception of me. Help me to be all that You called me to be and accept that others just have to deal with it. #IamwhoIam
Thanks for this Doc! So much of this hit because I too am learning how to dump some $hit. In particular, learning how to be okay with the loneliness after I dumped the "good Christian girl mentality ..." and did create my own table which comes with a hustle of its own.
This is SO helpful. Thank you for this framework and your own honest wrestling/progress. I keep coming back to read and re-read trying to digest this good counsel and challenge. Thank you!
Amena...so true..There will always plenty of ".." but not only it does not have to be ours and we don't have to carry it! And we can walk away from it.
Appreciate this. I don't know if I was familiar with the term "missional gaslighting," but it totally resonates. Thank you for naming that, along with so many other spot-on things.
Thank you so much for this. It is hitting deeply. I am realizing I have not been ready to dump some shit. But I want to work on dumping it! It is not mine to carry.
This was an entire word spoken over my life like we're besties! This is beautiful and made me reach for my copy of Salt Eaters. I recently decided to reread Gorilla My Love so perhaps the universe is leading me on a Toni Cade Bambara tour of my book shelf.
I often talk about how for some people (sometimes people includes myself) it is easier to stay within the confines of misery and sickness because it's a familiar and comfortable place and change takes effort and movement outside your comfort zone. Thank you so much for this post.
By the way, my comparison quote is "comparison is the death of self-esteem and a breeder of self-doubt."
I have done my dumping and while some of it wasn't easy, giving myself permission to do whatever I needed to do to take care of myself helped. It still helps. Understanding what I was not, and who I was a giant step. I just said I was done and let it all shake out. Now go and unload!
I can see I'm late to the party, but wow, this part: "Wellness means reversing the way that I've thought about health and vocation." That's a whole sermon in a sentence. I am going to be reflecting long and deep on that. Thank you so much.
I have to constantly remind myself that my path is my own. Comparison really is the thief of joy and gratitude.
I am also dumping this:”the good Christian girl mentality that entices me to say yes to sitting at other people’s tables when I’d rather be lounging at my own;”
Still learning how to lounge though.
Me too. The challenge is that it requires saying no to people I admire and care about who are inviting me to tables that are nice. They’re still not my tables, though.
Wow … this is so profound. I’ve got a lot to chew over now.
Thank you!
Wow! Thank you!! I’m 9 months into doctors trying to find a diagnosis and this hit hard. I don’t think I had asked myself if I wanted to be well. Because, in my brain, to be well would be to go back to the craziness of what life was before, so similar to what you described—when I was addicted to overachieving, when everyone needed me, when pieces were always being taken from me. This season of illness has felt like the first rest I’ve gotten in decades because it’s finally been a “good excuse” to say no…but still I battle mentally. Thank you for the words to help me understand the weight of being well…and possibly a new way of being in the world where I can prioritize my wellness.
Same here. If I were well in the way that I’ve hoped for, I’d be unwell in other ways. My body and all its diagnoses are trying to teach me something about wellness if I can just listen.
i'm new in trying to get a diagnosis (first stop is long-covid testing) and I resonate with the mental battles after trying to overachieve.
My my, what a transformative writing! Thank you, Dr. Walker- Barnes!
Lord, please help me to dump my over concern of folks’ perception of me. Help me to be all that You called me to be and accept that others just have to deal with it. #IamwhoIam
Lord, in your mercy, hear my sister’s prayer!
Thanks for this Doc! So much of this hit because I too am learning how to dump some $hit. In particular, learning how to be okay with the loneliness after I dumped the "good Christian girl mentality ..." and did create my own table which comes with a hustle of its own.
Yes indeed! It’s a different type of hustle when it’s our own, isn’t it?
This is SO helpful. Thank you for this framework and your own honest wrestling/progress. I keep coming back to read and re-read trying to digest this good counsel and challenge. Thank you!
Thank you!
"There's always going to be shit but it doesn't have to be mine." YES SIS. THIS RIGHT HERE.
Amena...so true..There will always plenty of ".." but not only it does not have to be ours and we don't have to carry it! And we can walk away from it.
Appreciate this. I don't know if I was familiar with the term "missional gaslighting," but it totally resonates. Thank you for naming that, along with so many other spot-on things.
I can’t recall where I first heard it. It’s big in educational, ministry, and nonprofit organizations.
I hate that it's such a common thing in all those spheres!
"There’s always going to be shit, but it doesn’t have to be mine. I’m working to dump it all." This part. Pheeeew. Yes. Yep. Mmmhmmm.
Thank you so much for this. It is hitting deeply. I am realizing I have not been ready to dump some shit. But I want to work on dumping it! It is not mine to carry.
It's hard because people (and institutions) can make us feel like their shit belongs to us.
Yes!!
Systems are good are not acknowledging their "doodoo" which contribute to toxic environments.
Especially if they are nonprofit, educational, and ministry settings. They’ll use all the right words while doing all the wrong things.
So very true. These systems have perfected how to use “right words” and digging deeper into conscious bias.
As you say in your book, boundaries are part of the prescription for self-care.
This was an entire word spoken over my life like we're besties! This is beautiful and made me reach for my copy of Salt Eaters. I recently decided to reread Gorilla My Love so perhaps the universe is leading me on a Toni Cade Bambara tour of my book shelf.
I often talk about how for some people (sometimes people includes myself) it is easier to stay within the confines of misery and sickness because it's a familiar and comfortable place and change takes effort and movement outside your comfort zone. Thank you so much for this post.
By the way, my comparison quote is "comparison is the death of self-esteem and a breeder of self-doubt."
I have done my dumping and while some of it wasn't easy, giving myself permission to do whatever I needed to do to take care of myself helped. It still helps. Understanding what I was not, and who I was a giant step. I just said I was done and let it all shake out. Now go and unload!
I can see I'm late to the party, but wow, this part: "Wellness means reversing the way that I've thought about health and vocation." That's a whole sermon in a sentence. I am going to be reflecting long and deep on that. Thank you so much.