What My Soul Needs Now
All this "do something" energy made me forget what I need in this season.
I am in the final month of my sabbatical. I have not accomplished all that I had hoped to, but I knew that my hopes were unrealistic. They always are. I thought I would write seven chapters, but I paused at five. I thought I would have a book contract, but I do not. I thought that I would have taught a cycle of the mindfulness-based stress reduction program, but my plans fell through. And you know what, I am okay with all of that. Because all those things were secondary to my main sabbatical goal: rest and recovery.
At some point over the past few months, I allowed that goal to shift to the back burner. I became focused instead on productivity. Our political reality probably has a lot to do with that. It gave this project on activism and sustainability a sense of urgency. I wanted to write as many chapters as possible before my sabbatical ended. I didn’t aim to write everyday, but I felt the relentless pressure of my inner critic when I went more than two days without working on the book. Even when a flareup of chronic health issues disrupted my sleep for several weeks, I tried to push through the mental and physical fatigue. Writing is a lot like exercise for me. Even when I don’t feel up to it, I usually feel better once I’ve done it.
My body is reminding me of my need for rest and recovery during this season. And I’m paying attention. So in this final month, I’m practicing deep rest and recovery. I’m revisiting the commitments that I made to myself in January and adding a few more. For the sake of accountability and inspiration, I’m sharing them here.
My Commitments to Myself
Let my body experience its own natural waking rhythm. This means that, unless I have an early appointment, I won’t set an alarm and I’ll turn off the automated morning lights in my bedroom.
Start my mornings with mindfulness. In particular, I need longer sessions of sitting meditation.
Spend time on the deck and patio being aimless, staring at the trees, listening to the birds, and yes, even fighting the mosquitoes.
Exercise six days per week for at least 40 minutes. Keep up the water exercise routine that I’ve developed over the past few weeks. Be more consistent in my strength training. Don’t push too hard to increase laps or weights.
Go to the sauna twice a week.
Dwell in relationship. Spend time with friends and family every week.
Read without taking notes. Or at least try to read without a project in mind, without feeling like the knowledge has to be shared with others. Just read for myself. And find fun places to do it in.
Leave the laptop and tablet at home. Go to coffee shops for the enjoyment, not for the work they enable. Take books, coloring books, and markers instead of the laptop. If I feel inspired, write by hand.
Keep up my morning pages habit.
Let the book project rest. Let any new ideas sit. Don’t chase every thread. Don’t feel pressured to do something now.
Wander in creativity and play. Give myself permission to buy more Lego kits. Craft something. Go to museums and art galleries.
Dance. For a while after cancer treatment, I had this habit of entering rooms in my home by dancing. There was always a joy soundtrack playing in my head. Put that on repeat. Turn the volume up until it drowns out the noise.
As of today, I’m on soul rest. I haven’t decided what that means in terms of posts for this month. I might be pulling from the archives. I might skip a week or two. But if it feels like my soul needs to express itself, I’ll write something. Writers gotta write.
We’re halfway through the year. Maybe you’ve forgotten some commitments to yourself in the midst of life’s ordinary (and extraordinary) madness. Or maybe you need some new commitments. What are those? Join the conversation and let us know.
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What a beautiful reminder to intentionally let items on the "to do list" park themselves towards the back of the shelf.
I enjoyed reading the phrase "dwell in relationship." I connected with this "sitting with" image, as well as "let any new ideas sit." What a beautiful invitation to pause!
Thank you for these reminders
Pretty much all of these resonate, but this one in particular: “Wander in creativity and play.” It’s so tough to navigate the tension between the work we feel we must do, are called to do, for the greater good and (let’s face it) our own ambition, and the need for rest and creativity. This list is just what I needed.